Tuesday, June 5, 2007

White Zombie - La Sexorcisto: Devil Music Vol. 1

Year: 1992
Genre: Alt. Metal

Highlight Tracks: "Black Sunshine", "Thunder Kiss '65", "I Am Legend"
Weak Tracks: "Starface", "Warp Asylum"

Tired of the usual rummage sales and flea markets we went in search of something different. We heard about the Double Crossbones swap meet from a blind guy selling fake shrunken heads at the '66 yard sale. We followed his directions to the letter: wait til nightfall, drive down past the chicken factory, through the railway switch station, turn left on the dirt road after you pass the rusted out caboose on cinder blocks, drive until you reach a covered wood bridge, park, then walk across.

As we crossed the creaky wood bridge in deep darkness, I could hear small things climbing around on the roof and the sides of the bridge. From the far end of the bridge I could see the flicker of torches and I could hear faint music drifting in. As soon as we emerged on the other side somebody or something grabbed Sally. She screamed and I grabbed one of them. He was a hunched giant wearing a sickly, over-sized, paper-mache skull over his face. He hit me in the stomach with the torch he carried. I crumpled to the ground, wind knocked out of me, beating the flames out of my shirt. Another twisted giant in a straining Luchador mask dragged Sally through the mud by her hair. He carried a torch in his other hand. It cast light onto cages filled with all manner of bizarre mutant creatures and near-nude women wearing rags tattered with age. The skull-faced giant grabbed me by the back of my neck and swung me around. I lost sight of Sally as I was dragged around to face the Double Crossbones swap meet.

Imagine the largest flea market you have ever seen. Now imagine it stretching on for eternity. Tables of junk and sad souls selling from them as far as the eye can see. The horizon blotted out by card tables covered with cheap trash and decades old novelties. The massive used-junk hell was shrouded in gray mist and torches hung from poles to illuminate each table's junk. The skull-faced giant forced my face close to a table, compelling me to examine its wares.

The table was covered in gore: beating organs, shattered bones, curios fashioned out of small animal carcasses, Asian snuff videos, Nazi jewelry, and bottled fetuses in a variety of species (including human).

Each time I tried to turn my head away from the blood and the stink of the table the giant shoved my head back toward it. I looked up to see what manner of ghoul would be selling such horrible items and an empty lawn chair chair met my gaze. Confused I looked at some of the tables nearest me. Behind each sat one or more horrible visage, grinning with greed and desperation. I looked back to the empty chair in front of me. Was this meant to be my station?

Then I heard Sally scream somewhere in the distance. With this I slammed my head back into the skull giant's groin. I heard a crunch and the giant let me go. He crumpled into a 90 degree angle as I leapt to my feet and spun around seeking out Sally's scream.

When a voice commanding me to "Stop" emerged from the darkness. I turned to face the gaping mouth of the old covered bridge. Weird, green demon creatures crawled all over the bridge cover. And a tapping sound echoed from within. The skull giant recovered and grabbed me by both arms, I twisted but couldn't break free. The tapping sound got closer and more familiar.

With horror I looked to the nearest hanging torch. It was a shrunken head set aflame!

I looked back to the bridge just as the darkness parted. Out of the gloom walked the blind man; his cane tapping in front of him, a sack of shrunken heads slung over one shoulder, and a depraved smile on his face!


gretagrrl said...

So, where exactly is this flea market???? Can you send me directions?

skullheadman said...

Oh, yeah, that place is great! I used to shop there all the time. Just make sure you go to Home Depot and get your nails, sandpaper and duct tape first, as the animal carcasses and freash internal organs can really stink up your Caravan of Doom. And be really careful you don't buy a fetus with a leaky jar - holyfrikkinjeezus, that's enough to make enough me think about pukin'!